Schwinns & Wins
Well it happened. I rode too close to the sun. I got into a huge accident on my prized pink Schwinn bike the fate of all New Yorkers on 4 wheels. Months later my father the teacher of all teachers, my main man passed away. The reason for me being so happy and flourishing, gone. Burned to a crisp.
Grief, Major neck surgery, mental breakdowns, loss of almost everything lead me to not being able to work for a long time. A situation never good for an Entrepreneur. I was as they say FUCKED. No one cares about your little story, i've learned. I was always been very sheltered and cared for and essentially these we're the largest occurrences in my young 30 something life at that point. The 5 year plan I had meticulously dreamt and designed changed forever in a span of months.
When I say NO ONE cares about your little story, I mean it. Throughout this whole journey of Island Life Kitchen, I connected with so many souls through my story. The one where my dad mainly raised me and basically taught me compassion, empathy, cooking, gods word, love and loyalty and I turned that into this business. Every move made before me by this being of light. Now, I had a new story which I did NOT sign up for. The one where for a better lack of a word, I was stripped of all I knew to be true and right. How could I teach this class again, without completely breaking down? How could I teach my ancestral gift without saying : The day my dad died I lost my soul too. It has been a time of healing, breaking, trying to find answers from people who want nothing to do with me, for being an Oliveras. A name no one can take away from me.
In this journey of Island Life Kitchen, I connected with so many souls through our "cuentos". The stories my dad filled my brain up about Puerto Rico and how things used to be. My curiosity always wanting more. The true truth seeker. Those stories live in me, in my dreams in what I wanted for my life. Stories I've always loved to share with my classes. Stories I planned to recreate with my own family.
For whats it worth, I truly believe in things happen for a reason. I'm still trying to understand. I still fight for answers knowing that somethings I probably will never understand. The feeling of having a family completely gone. Safe Place, and Safe love. I say it all because no one else will. Generations of enablers sitting silent while things happened that we're often ignored. I won't be that. I will speak my truth. If my father taught me anything is to stand on what it is. " It is what it is, Damaris," in his Queens Puerto Rican accent.
I don't owe anyone an explanation but I do know who to thank. A select few who stood by me when my mind and body failed me. When I knew time and time again I had no idea how to get out of this. Those few few people who had me in their prayers and checked in on me. Thank you.
Slowly, slowly I began to gain some wins. Those minuscule tiny ones. Sleeping a whole night through, waking up with no pain, not crying 50 times of day, not shaking, not drinking alcohol. The Vain of my existence and so many Puerto Ricans like me, child of addicts trying the same shit out. I kicked it. Finally. Never going back. Slowly, slowly I came to life again. My minds eye envisioning success once again although it might be different this time. My dreams changing and evolving just like these years.
Spent the last year trying again. Worked from The Hamptons to Rhode Island, looking for my cooking family. Meeting wonderful people on the way, those whom I learned so much from. Would love to continue to learn from. This career is wonderful because I will never stop learning. I will never stop asking questions because the knowledge I acquire is to share.
So here I am. Ready to start a new. Ready to take the dreams of my ancestors and make them reality once again. I hope we can meet in the Kitchen. Scents of my island dreams all around. The Island Life I dream of back for more.